《经典幽默英语小笑话带翻译（优秀15篇）》

我的爱情小店准备七夕节开张，浪漫可以预约，甜蜜可以寄存，快乐可以转帐，爱情可以专营，欢迎有缘之人光临，非诚不扰！

经典幽默英语小笑话 1

The English poet and satirist, Richard Savage, was once living in London in great poverty. In order to earn money he had written the story of his life, but not many copies of the book had been sold in the shops, and Savage was living from hand to mouth. As a result of his lack of food, he became very ill, but atter a time, owing to the skill of the doctor who had looked after him, he got well again. After a week or two the doctor sent a bill to Savage for his visits, but poor Savage hadn't any money and couldn't pay it. The doctor waited for another month and sent the bill again, but still no money came. After several weeks he sent it to him again asking for his money. In the end he came to Savage's house and asked him for payment, saying to Savage, "You know you owe your life to me and I expected some gratitude from you."

英国诗人、讽刺作家理查德·萨维奇一度在伦敦过着贫困潦倒的生� 因为缺乏食物，他病得很厉害。后来，由于照看他的医生医术高明，他又恢复了健康。过了一两个星期，医生给萨维奇送来了一张讨要诊费的账单，但是贫穷的萨维奇没有钱来偿付。医生等了一个月后又送来了账单，但仍然未索回分文。几个星期后，他又送来账单要钱。最后，医生本人来到了萨维奇的家中，对他说：“你知道你欠我一条命，而我希望你能有所报答。”

"I agree," said Savage, "that I owe my life to you, and to prove to you that I am not ungrateful for your work I will give my life to you." With these words he handed to him two volumes entitled The life of Richard Savage.

“是的，”萨维奇说，“我是欠你一条命，为了向你证明我对你的诊治并非不感激，我将把我的生命献给你。”说着这番话，萨维奇递给医生两卷书，名叫《理查德萨维奇的一生》。

经典幽默英语小笑话 2

A student in the literature class asked his teacher if he had read a hot novel. The teacher said that he had not read the book.

文学课上，一个学生问老师是否看过一本最新的畅销小说。老师说还没有看过那本书。

"What a surprise,"said the student.“It has been published for several months.”

“太让人吃惊了，”这个学生说，“这本书已经出版好几个月了。”

"Then have you read Shakespeare's Hamlet?”asked the teacher.

“那么你看过莎士比亚的《哈姆雷特》吗？”老师问。

"No，”said the student.

“没有。”学生回答道。

"What a pity ! You’d better hurry，for it has been published for several hundred years.”

“太遗憾了！你最好快点儿，因为这本书已经出版了好几百年了。”

最搞笑的英语笑话 3

St Peter's Question 圣彼德的问题

Three men, a doctor, an accountant and a lawyer are dead and they appear in front of St Peter. St Peter tells them that they have to answer one question in order to get to Heaven.

有三个人死了，分别是一名医生、一名会计和一名律师。他们来到了圣彼德面前。圣彼德对他们说，如果他们想进入天堂，就得每人回答一个问题。

He looks at the doctor and asks, "There was a movie that was made about a ship that sank after hitting an iceberg, what was its name?"

圣彼德看着医生开始发问，“以前电影院放过一部电影，说的是一艘船撞击冰山后沉没，电影的名字是什么？”

The doctor answers, "The Titanic" and he is sent through.

医生回答，“《泰坦尼克号》”，医生随即被允许进入天堂。

He then looks at the accountant and say, "How many people died in that ship?"

然后圣彼德看着会计说，“船上有多少人遇难？”。

Fortunately the accountant had just watched the movie and he answers, "1500!". St Peter sends him through and then finally turns to the lawyer and commands, in a very heavy voice, "Name them!".

会计很走运，因为他刚看过这部电影，回答道，“1500人遇难。”圣彼德把会计也放进天堂了。最后，圣彼德转过身，看着律师，非常严肃地用命令的口吻问道，“把1500人的名字都说出来？”

又幽默又短的英语笑话 4

孩子的祈祷

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents' house。 At bedtime， the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers， when the younger one began praying at the top of his lungs: "I pray for a bicycle。 I pray for a new toy。"

两个小男孩在祖父母家过夜。睡觉的时候，两个小男孩跪在床边开始祈祷，这时小一些的孩子扯开嗓子大声喊道：“我祈求得到一辆自行车。我祈求有一个新玩具。”

His older brother leaned over， nudged him and said， "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf。"

他的哥哥靠过来，用肘轻碰他说：“你为什么这么大声喊叫呢？上帝又不是聋子。”

To which the little brother replied， "No， but Grandma is!"

弟弟回答说：“是的，可是奶奶听不到呀！”

最搞笑的英语笑话 5

Interruption轻率的插话

The fine-furniture store where I work has been in business since the 1920s. Recently I received a call from a woman who wanted to replace some chairs from a dining set purchased from us in the 1930s. I assured her we could help and sought the assistance of the office manager. "You'll never believe this one, " I told him." I just got a call from a customer who bought some chairs from us in the 1930s. "

我所工作的精品家具商店是从20世纪二十年代以来就营业的。最近我接到一个妇女的电话。她想换一套餐具中的一些椅子。这套餐具她是在三十年代从我们这儿买的。我向她保证说我们可以帮她的忙，于是我向部门经理寻求帮助。“你永远也不会相信，”我对他说，“我刚接到一个顾客的电话，她在三十年代从我们这里买了一些椅子。”

Before I could finish repeating her request, he interrupted and said, "Don't tell me she hasn't received them yet!"

我还没来得及说她的要求，经理就打断了我的话：“你别告诉我她到现在还没收到货！”

又幽默又短的英语笑话 6

导盲犬帮我看

A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store.

The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head. The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite strange. So, he decides to find out what's going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and says, "Pardon me. May I help you with something." The blind man says, "No thanks. I'm just looking around."

又幽默又短的英语笑话 7

一切都正常

A young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him. Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, "Mom, the toast is burned." "You talked! You talked!" Shouted his mother. "I'm so happy! But why has it taked this long?" "Well, up till now," Said the boy, "things have been okay."

又幽默又短的英语笑话 8

林肯过生日

Teacher: What great event happened in 1809?

Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln was born.

Teacher: Correct. And what great event happened in 1812?

Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln had his third birthday.

又幽默又短的英语笑话 9

吝啬鬼的聚会

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."

"Why use my elbow and foot?"

"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"

最搞笑的英语笑话 10

Want a day off 想请一天假

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.""We're short-handed, Smith" the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off.""Thanks, boss," says Smith "I knew I could count on you!"

一天，史密斯去见他的客户部领导，“老板”，斯密斯说，“我们家明天要大搞清洁，我老婆需要我回去帮忙清洁阁楼和车库，搬搬挪挪什么的。”“斯密斯啊，你也知道，我们现在人手已经不够了”老板说，“明天的假我是没法给你批了”。“多谢老板，” Smith说，“我就知道跟着您干准没错”。

又幽默又短的英语笑话 11

特别来宾

a lawyer finds himself at the pearly gates at the same time as the pope.

一位律师发现他和某教宗一起到达天堂的珍珠门。

both men are allowed to enter heaven.

两个人都被允许进入天堂。

and the lawyer is ensconced in a magnificent mansion.

律师被安置在一间豪华的别墅，

but he sees that the pope is housed in a far more humble dwelling.

但他却见到教宗被安排住在非常简陋的住所。

unable to restrain his curiosity,the lawyer asks st.peter about it.

由于好奇心的驱使，律师问圣彼得其中原委。

“well, you see,” replies st. peter, "we have dozens of popes up here, but we-ve never had alawyer before. "

“哦，你看我们这里有好几十位教宗，可是你却是第一个上天堂的律师呢！”圣彼得答道。

最搞笑的英语笑话 12

Honest?诚实吗？

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day.

在动物园，我无意中听到两个学龄前的小男孩在聊天。

"My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Tommy," replied the second.

“我叫Billy。你叫什么名字？”一个男孩问题。“Tommy”，另一个男孩回答。

"My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy.

“我爸爸是一位会计师，你爸爸是做什么的？”Billy问Tommy。

Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer."

“我爸爸是一位律师，”Tommy回答。

"Honest?" asked Billy.

“真的吗？”Billy问

"No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.

“不是啦，就跟别的律师一样。”Tommy回答。

经典幽默英语小笑话 13

Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year，his history professor failed him in his examinations，and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However，his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.

杰克在一所大学学历史。第一学期结束时，历史课教授没让他及格。学校让他退学。然而，杰克的父亲决定去见教授，强烈要求让杰克继续来年的学业。

"He’s a good boy，"said Jack’s father,"and if you let him pass this time，I’m sure he’II improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well.”

“他是个好孩子，”杰克的父亲说，“您要是让他这次及格，我相信他明年会有很大进步，学期结束时，他一定会考好的。”

"No，no，that’s quite impossible，"replied the professor immediately.“Do you know，last month I asked him when Napoleon had died，he didn't know”

“不，不，那不可能，”教授马上回答，“你知道吗？上个月我问他拿破仑什么时候死的，他都不知道。”

"Please sir, give him another chance,"said Jack’s father. "You see I'm afraid we don’t take any newspaper in our house,so none of us even knows that Napoleon was ill,"

“先生，请再给他一次机会吧。”杰克的父亲说，“你不知道，恐怕是因为我们家没有订报纸。我们家的人连拿破仑病了都不知道。”

又幽默又短的英语笑话 14

老谋深算

There was a 75-year-old multi-millionaire who had just married a beautiful 18-year-old blond girl. So his friends asked him, "How did you manage to get an 18-year-old girl to marry you, when you're 75?"

And the old man replied, "I told her I was 99, so she would marry me quick!"

又幽默又短的英语笑话 15

三只乌龟

Three turtles decided to have a cup of coffee。 Just as they got into the cafe， it started to rain。

The biggest turtle said to the smallest one， " Go home and get the umbrella。"

The little turtle replied， "I will， if you don't drink my offee。"

"We won't，" the other two promised。

Two years later the big turtle said to the middle turtle， "Well， I guess he isn't ing back， so we might as well drink his coffee。"

Just then a voice called from outside the door， "If you do， I won't go。"

三只乌龟决定去喝咖啡。它们刚到咖啡店的门口，就下起雨来。于是最大的那只乌龟对最小的乌龟说，“回家去取伞吧。”最小的乌龟说，“如果你们不把我的咖啡喝了，我就去。”

“我们不喝，”另外两只乌龟答应说。

两年后，大乌龟对中乌龟说，“好吧，我猜他肯定不回来了，我们能够把它的咖啡喝掉了。”

正在这时，一个声音从门外传来，“你们要是喝了，我就不去。”